


Bridesmaids

by juliabsquared



Series: You Make Me Feel So Young: Persades Wedding [3]
Category: Lore Olympus (Webcomic)
Genre: Bachelorette Party, Drunkenness, F/M, Gen, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Late night adventure, Pizza, Sexual Humor, bridesmaids - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 16:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20915342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliabsquared/pseuds/juliabsquared
Summary: “What?! Give me that.” Hera snatched the paper out of Persephone’s hand. Her eyes darted back and forth as she scanned the page. When she read the last word on the notice, she looked mad enough to spit. “This is bullshit. Come on, we’re going to fix this right now.”Things go awry when an unexpected message from Hermes threatens to derail not only Persephone’s bachelorette party, but her entire wedding. Drunken late-night adventures ensue.





	Bridesmaids

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this made me really nostalgic for college and all the shenanigans that my friends and I used to pull. So I hereby dedicate this story to my friend Shawna, and the time she got turnt on a random Tuesday, shut down the bar on our street singing Billy Joel during karaoke night, stole a pizza from the pizza place next door, and remembered absolutely none of it the next day. I hope I did a good job with it.

Persephone stared in shock at the enormous blue penis pointing directly at her. The way it seemed to drape over the couch cushion was nothing short of grotesque. Someone – probably Aphrodite – had gotten the bright idea to buy a bunch of novelty cutouts, crudely paint them, and place them strategically around Hera’s living room. Persephone shook her head in disbelief. “Can you please explain to me again why this is necessary?”

“Oh, honey.” Hera draped a golden arm around Persephone’s shoulders. “We don’t do this because it’s necessary. We do it because it’s _fun_. Also, you look super cute by the way.” In addition to the colorful genitalia, the normally elegantly-appointed room was laden with streamers, confetti, and balloons. The full bar was freshly stocked, plus there were several ice buckets full of wine spritzers.

The whole concept of a bachelorette party was not something with which Persephone was familiar. But when Hera had offered to throw her one, Perse was more than happy to oblige. A night of hanging out with the other goddesses and playing drinking games sounded fun. Nobody said anything about penis-themed decor, though. She had already drank two wine coolers and they weren’t having much effect; the cutouts were still weirding her out. “Hera,” she said, fidgeting with the thin strap of the silky white jumpsuit she was wearing. “You cannot honestly tell me that when you and Zeus got married, you hung purple penises everywhere.”

Artemis snorted. “They probably did, and it was probably his idea.”

“No argument there.” Without so much as a glance at each other, Amphitrite and Artemis high-fived. Even they couldn’t take their eyes off the genitalia on display in front of them. 

Her bridesmaids were a mixed bunch: Hera and Amphitrite, her future sisters-in-law and fellow Queens; Artemis, her former college roommate and one of her closest friends; and Aphrodite, whose likely wrath at being excluded was not something Persephone wanted to provoke. Aphrodite was the last to arrive, holding a large shopping bag. 

“Yo, Señorita Swag!” Amphitrite called out to her. “Think fast!” She threw something from the bar, which Aphrodite caught.

Aphrodite examined the can with its gryphon logo. “White Talon? Seriously?” was the Love Goddess’s reaction. “What am I, twelve?” 

“I like them,” Persephone told her. She took another can from the bar and cracked it open. 

“Aphrodite, just behave, okay?” Hera warned her. “This is Persephone’s party. Which means–” She took the shopping bag and fished around in it for something. It appeared to be a bright purple sash. “–time for your coronation.” She draped the sash around Persephone’s shoulders. It read “Bride to Be” in curling gold script.

Amphitrite produced a gold plastic crown and placed it on Persephone’s head. “A crown for a Queen,” she declared.

“Aww, thank you guys! This is so sweet, and – _holy mother of Gaia, what is that_?!” Persephone stared in horror at the final item Aphrodite pulled out of the shopping bag. 

“It’s a poster.” Aphrodite shrugged, nonchalant.

“Yeah, I _see_ that it’s a poster,” replied Persephone. “My question was more directed towards why do you have a poster that appears to be a very _naked_ rendering of my fiancé?”

“Are you offended by my drawing skills?” Aphrodite stood with her hands on her hips, as if daring anyone to criticize her. 

“No, I’m offended by you as a person!”

“Ugh. When have I ever done anything to you?”

Persephone stared at her. Did she seriously not remember? “Literally our first interaction was when you got me blackout drunk and locked me in Hades’s car as a prank!”

Aphrodite rolled her eyes. “Yeah. And then you met your future husband. You’re welcome.”

Amphitrite cocked her head to the side and studied the drawing. “I like it,” she said. “Although I can’t comment on its accuracy.”

Hera nodded thoughtfully. “No, it’s pretty accurate.” 

“What. Is. Happening?” Persephone sank onto the floor and laid down, face up. She was starting to feel tipsy, which only made the situation more absurd. “Whyyy?”

Hera was busy tacking the poster to the nearest wall. “Relax, hon. Aphrodite just brought it for the party games.”

“Party games?”

Amphitrite sat down on the floor next to her. “What did you think all these dicks were for? Surely you’ve heard of pin the tail on–”

“Why don’t we just play something else?” Artemis interrupted, saving Persephone from having to endure any more of this conversation. “Like what about ‘Never Have I Ever’?”

Persephone sat up, her face brightening. “Yeah, let’s do that!” She was really good at that game. Or bad, depending on how you looked at it. People always assumed she was way more inexperienced than she actually was.

“Then it’s settled.” Hera turned to the bar, shouting as if she spoke to an invisible person there. “Alexein, play my party playlist.” At once, upbeat music filled the room.

Artemis went first. “Never have I ever had sex with a man,” she declared smugly, to a chorus of complaints. 

“She’s the only Eternal Maiden here,” griped Aphrodite. “That’s cheating!”

“Is it? Let’s see what the bride thinks.” Hera smiled at Persephone. “Your party, your rules, dear.”

Persephone shared a look with her former roommate. “There’s no rule against being an Eternal Maiden,” she admitted. “Drink up!” The four of them drank. 

“Well in that case, never have I ever been a sworn virgin,” Aphrodite shot back. Artemis took a drink, scowling.

It was Persephone’s turn. “Never have I ever had a threesome.”

Amphitrite downed the last of her drink. “If you and Hades ever want to try it, you know where to find me.”

“Ugh.” Artemis made a face. “Aren’t you married?”

Amphitrite just waved a tattooed arm dismissively at her. “Poseidon can join in if he wants.”

“...Okay then.”

Around and around they went, naming everything they’d ever done, from the most inane pastimes to the wildest sex acts. Aphrodite and Amphitrite had to refill their drinks several times. 

Persephone continued to imbibe, giggling every time she looked around the room. She couldn’t remember why she didn’t like them before; the penis decorations were _hilarious_. Her gaze landed on the poster and she dissolved into another fit of laughter, blushing furiously.

They were halfway through their thirteenth round of “Never Have I Ever” when there was a knock at the door. Hera went to answer it. Artemis hollered after her, “Who is it?” but before Hera could answer, a red blur bounded into the room. It was the Messenger God. 

“Persie! Sorry to interrupt but I was told to give you this–” Hermes stopped short, noticing the naked drawing taped to the wall. “Um,” was all he said. “What’s… going on here?”

“Nothing!” Persephone’s ears burned bright red and she stepped in front of him to shield the poster from view. “Nothing’s going on! Just, you know. Normal Friday night stuff. Absolutely nothing to do with my fiancé’s dick.”

“That’s… cool I guess. Anyways, here you go.” Hermes handed her a thick, official-looking envelope. Persephone ripped it open. 

She wasn’t sure whether it was the alcohol surging through her or the utter absurdity of the message, but Persephone had to read it three times before finally understanding what it said. 

_Application for marriage license for:_  
Persephone, Goddess of Spring  
_and_  
Hades, God of the Dead  
_has been _DENIED. 

Hera tried reading over her shoulder. “What’s it say?”

“It says…” Persephone frowned, refusing to believe it. “It says Hades and I can’t get married.”

“_What_?! Give me that.” Hera snatched the paper out of Persephone’s hand. Her eyes darted back and forth as she scanned the page. When she read the last word on the notice, she looked mad enough to spit. “This is bullshit. Come on, we’re going to fix this right now.”

Persephone could only follow meekly after Hera. If anyone could fix this, she reasoned, it was the Queen of the Gods and Goddess of Marriage. To her surprise, Aphrodite, Amphitrite, and Artemis followed suit. “You guys don’t all have to come,” she told them. “I feel bad for stopping the party.” But as she looked from one face to another, she saw only sheer determination. Or at least, drunken determination. 

Artemis shook her head. “Screw the party, we’re here for _you_. This is _your_ night. And right now it’s about your bridesmaids having your back.” The others nodded in agreement.

Amphitrite raised a shot glass. “Hashtag feminism!” she yelled, before tossing back the liquor. 

“I guess that’s that,” Hera declared, and off they went. 

The door slammed shut behind the goddesses, leaving Hermes alone in the living room. “So, like... I’ll just… let myself out then.”

***

“Okay, here’s the deal. I can get us in the building, but we’re going to need help actually getting into the archives,” Hera whispered. They were clustered around the main entrance to Olympus Corp headquarters. This was where major decisions were made, where justice was administered, and where every record pertaining to the realm of the gods was kept. However, being that it was almost midnight on a Friday, everything was locked up tight. “Does anyone know how to pick a lock?”

Artemis pulled a lockpick set out of her jeans pocket. “I do… _What_?” she snapped in response to Aphrodite’s judging look. “Who doesn’t carry a lockpick with them?”

Aphrodite huffed. “Literally everyone but you.”

“Guys!” Persephone hissed at them. “Can we _please_ focus? Aphrodite, can you distract the security guard?”

“Excuse me? Are you asking if I, the Goddess of Love and Beauty, can hold a man’s attention for ten minutes–”

“For the love of Gaia, just do it!” Persephone did not have the patience to stroke Aphrodite’s ego. Everything appeared a bit blurry, like she was trying to see underwater. She was vaguely aware that they were talking a lot louder than they meant to.

Hera took an ID card from her purse and swiped it. The door unlocked and they filed inside the main lobby. With one hand Hera placed an index finger to her lips, and with her other hand waved at them to follow her. They stayed close to the wall, sidestepping to avoid the view of the guard’s desk. Hera nodded to Aphrodite, who broke away from the rest of the group and strode towards the security desk. 

“Hi,” she gushed to the security daemon behind the desk. She leaned over and pushed her ample breasts towards him. “I’m a little lost, can you help me?”

The remaining four goddesses crept into a hallway off the main lobby, tiptoeing so their shoes wouldn’t make a sound on the polished tile floor. “It’s this way,” Hera whispered. They wound their way through a maze of hallways until they finally reached the door to the archive room. “Artemis, you’re up.”

Artemis knelt down and went to work picking the lock. In no time, the door swung open. “You guys stay here and keep lookout,” Persephone told Artemis and Amphitrite. “Hera, you come with me and help me figure out what exactly we’re looking for.” The three of them nodded in agreement.

The archive room looked like a library, one of the biggest Persephone had ever seen. All four walls were lined with bookshelves, from the floor all the way up to the vaulted ceiling, and the shelves themselves were laden with thousands of books, scrolls, and files. In the center of the room were several rows of computer terminals. 

“Anything recent would be contained in the digital files,” Hera explained. “They haven’t gotten around to digitizing the older records, but I don’t think we need to go back that far.” She sat down at the nearest computer, logged in, and began typing away, searching for records of Persephone’s marriage license application. “Who filed the paperwork?” Hera asked.

“I did.” That was probably why she was the one who received the notice of denial, she reasoned. 

“Okay I found it. Application status denied, but we already knew that…” Hera frowned. “That’s odd.”

“What’s odd?”

“Under ‘Reason for Denial’ it just says ‘Contract.’”

“What does that mean?” Persephone wasn’t under any contract, at least that she knew about.

“I don’t know, let me click on it…” She tried to navigate further but received a pop-up as an answer. “Access Denied?! What the fuck?”

Persephone squinted at the screen. “Did you use the right login?” 

“Yes! But why wouldn’t I have clearance for this? It makes no sense. Unless…”

“Unless what?”

“The only person who’s even allowed to have a higher security clearance than the Queen, is the King. This trail leads straight back to Zeus.”

“Well, can’t we just call him?” Persephone was getting more and more anxious by the second. 

“No point in trying that right now.” Hera rolled her eyes at her husband’s antics. “He’s at the bachelor party, I guarantee you he’s too wasted to even find his phone.” 

(In fact, at this very moment, Zeus was not only too wasted to find his phone but also had transformed into a bird, made a pass at an exotic dancer, and inadvertently set fire to the club where the bachelor party was currently being held.)

Just then, they were interrupted by a voice from outside the archive room. “Golden Girl! We’ve got company!”

“Shit!”

“Here, print that out so we can take it with us.” Persephone looked around wildly for a printer. It was several rows away. She dashed over to it, begging the machine to spit out the document faster. “Come on, come on, _come on_!” She grabbed the slip of paper and bolted out the door, holding her crown in place, sash flying out behind her.

A second security guard had been making the rounds, spotted Artemis and Amphitrite, and gave chase. Down the hall they ran. It was difficult in their less-than-sober state, but they managed to keep up a pace. Each clack-clack-clack of Hera’s stilettos, each steady thump of Artemis’s combat boots, each flip-flip of Persephone’s sandals, meant they were one step closer to getting out of there. 

But he was gaining on them. “Keep running,” Amphitrite told them, before she slowed to a halt. The security guard looked puzzled for a second but didn’t slow down. That was his crucial mistake. Amphitrite held out her hand and conjured a wave of ocean water, which crashed over the tile floor. The guard slipped and fell, sliding several feet down the hall, covered in salty water and stray pieces of seaweed.

Finally they were in the lobby. “Come on, we have to go,” Artemis yelled and she grabbed Aphrodite by the hand.

The guard at the desk stood and called out to them, “Hey, you! All of you! Get back here!”

Out the door, into the street and down the block they kept running, and didn’t stop until they were completely out of breath. Gradually they slowed to a walk.

Amphitrite was the first one to laugh. “That… was… _awesome_!” she exclaimed, clutching at her sides. 

Persephone collapsed onto the strip of grass in the middle of the street. “You guys,” was all she could manage before dissolving into a fit of giggles. 

“Did you see that guard? The look on his face!” Artemis howled, wiping a tear from her eye. 

“What would have happened if he had caught us?” Aphrodite asked. She was less winded than the others, as she hadn’t ran as far. 

Hera shrugged. “Questioned us. Not let us leave until he got permission from Zeus, which wouldn’t be until the His Highness sobers up. And just generally be a real dick about it.” There was a note of bitterness in her voice. “Those guys work for my husband, they don’t work for me.”

A short silence followed. “Well, this calls for celebratory shots,” Amphitrite declared, and uncoiled her tail to reveal a large bottle.

“Holy shit, that is an _entire_ handle of tequila. Did you have that there the whole time?” Aphrodite asked her.

“Sure did, Señorita.”

“I mean, same.” Artemis produced a fifth of vodka from the inside of her leather jacket.

“Look at Warrior Princess over here!” Amphitrite high fived her.

Aphrodite took the tequila and held it high. “Never have I ever: snuck into headquarters after hours, broken into the archives, stolen classified records, and outran a security guard by almost drowning him in a miniature ocean!”

“We have!” the other four goddesses echoed, before passing the bottle back and forth among them. 

“So, did we find out what the issue is with the marriage license?” Amphitrite asked after they had each taken a few drinks. 

Hera shook her head. “No. Only that there’s some sort of contract in place preventing it, but not what that actually is. Any chance Hades is under any contracts?” she asked Persephone.

“No way. He would have told me.” She looked down again at the document she’d grabbed from the printer. 

Artemis took another pull from her bottle of vodka. “The only other thing I can think of is the Goddesses of Eternal Maidenhood. But that doesn’t make sense, since you never actually took any vows.”

Aphrodite glared at Artemis. “You and your Eternal Maiden thing, you couldn’t just leave well enough alone!” 

“Oh, so this is my fault now?”

“Yeah, along with your little Girl Scout club!”

“Enough!” Hera silenced them. “We don’t even know if that has anything to do with this.”

That gave Persephone an idea. “No, but I think I know who would.”

Artemis caught on immediately. “Hestia!” Pointing across the square, she said, “She lives past those streets and over that hill. Let’s just go there now.”

“It’s pretty late, should we really disturb her right now?” Hera asked.

“Who cares?” Everyone turned to look at Persephone, surprised by the bold statement. “I… maybe sort of never really liked Hestia,” she admitted.

“Well damn, Flower Child.” Amphitrite laughed. “Let’s go then.”

***

_Knock knock knock_. “Hestia!” _Knock knock_. “Hestia, open up!” Artemis was about to knock again when a light switched on inside the house. The deadbolt clicked back and the door opened. 

“What the fuck, Artemis? It’s well past midnight!” Hestia’s normally calm demeanor was gone; instead she scowled and folded her arms across herself, wrapping her fleece bathrobe tighter. 

Artemis wasted no time. “Did you execute a contract that said Persephone had to be an Eternal Maiden?” 

“You woke me up for this?” the older goddess hissed. “Are you… _drunk_?”

Hera cut off whatever Artemis was about to say. “Dammit Hestia, we’re _all_ drunk! Just answer the question!”

“No!” Hestia said adamantly. “She never took her vows.”

“Promise?” Persephone looked up at Hestia with pleading eyes. She had never wanted to be an Eternal Maiden, but was still disappointed at Hestia’s words because they meant this avenue was a dead end. 

“Yes. Even though you made a verbal commitment and then dropped out–” Hestia didn’t bother to hide her disapproval. “–there was never a contract in place.”

“Oh come on, Hestia, don’t be like that. You and I both know the lifestyle’s not for everyone.” Never had Persephone been so grateful for Artemis. Even when she had dropped out of TGOEM, Artemis had never judged Perse the way others had. She actually cared. “Persephone wants to get married; just let her be happy!”

“I have nothing against it. Like I said, whatever barrier is currently stopping you is not one that I put in place. Goodnight,” she told them curtly, and slammed the door in their faces. 

“Well _that_ was a waste of time,” said Aphrodite.

“Disagree.” Amphitrite took another swig of tequila. “I forgot how uptight she is. An opportunity to piss her off is never a waste of time.”

“But now we’re back to square one,” Hera pointed out. “This contract could be anything, for all we know it could be black magic.”

A ghost of an idea swam in Persephone’s mind, just out of reach from rational thought. “What did you just say?” 

“I said we’re back at square one–”

“No, about the magic thing.” She was too drunk to articulate the logic behind it, but Persephone knew who to call. “Hera, you’re a genius!” She pulled out her phone and dialed Hecate, putting the call on speaker.

“You’re damn lucky I like you, Persephone, or else calling me at this hour would have some serious consequences.” The Goddess of Magic and Witchcraft sounded tired but amused. “What’s going on?”

“We have a situation.” Persephone tried to explain it in the most concise way possible but was interrupted.

“Goth Queen! How’s it hangin’?”

“Shh!” Persephone covered Amphitrite’s mouth with her free hand. “Let me talk!”

“Who’s there with you?” Hecate was confused.

“You’ve got me, Hera, Trite, Artemis, and Aphrodite.”

“Ahh. Wait, wasn’t tonight supposed to be your bachelorette party?”

“Yeah, well, we got a little… sidetracked.” Briefly Persephone told Hecate about the mysterious contract that was preventing her from marrying Hades. 

“So, you think this contract might be some sort of spell?”

“That’s all we could think of,” Persephone replied. “It’s not the Eternal Maiden thing, we checked already.”

“Hmm. This is curious. You might be onto something. Problem is, all the contract records are in the Olympus Corp archives, even the magical ones. Even if I petition Zeus to get a copy, that won’t be until Monday. I take it you’re trying to resolve this immediately?”

“Yeah.”

“And I’m assuming Zeus is currently unavailable, i.e. getting hammered at Hades’s bachelor party?”

Hera huffed an exasperated sigh. “You would be correct.”

“Hmm,” Hecate said again. “There is one thing that might work. It’s a very old magic, but it should override any spell or contract currently in place, no matter how powerful. Have you heard of the Fruit of the Underworld?”

“Like if you eat anything in the Underworld, you’re bound there forever?” Persephone wasn’t following. She ate fruit all the time at home but was always free to come to Olympus or to the mortal realm. Thinking about eating now made her stomach growl. “I thought that was just an urban legend.”

“Not like regular fruit, ‘Fruit’ with a capital F. The ‘Fruit of the Underworld’ refers to something very specific.”

“Is it pizza?” Persephone asked hopefully. 

“What? No. Why would it be pizza?”

Her stomach growled again, louder. “I dunno, I just really want pizza.”

“The Fruit,” Hecate continued, “comes from the first and only tree to grow in the Underworld. I mean, at least until you came along and managed to grow things everywhere. It’s located in the back courtyard behind Tower One. Dates back to the Titanomachy.”

“And I just eat the fruit from that tree?” It seemed simple enough. “What’s the catch?”

“You’ll still be able to travel between realms, but a piece of your soul will always be bound to the Underworld. Essentially that means nobody can force you to leave,” Hecate explained. “But also, you can’t stay away for too long, or else you’ll start to wither and your powers fade until you return here.”

“How long? You mean like days, or months? Or hours?” 

“Months, don’t worry. You’ll be able to spend time in the mortal realm if your mother requests it.”

“Great.” Just what she needed, her mother continuing to summon her whenever she liked. 

“Oh, and one more thing.” Hecate’s voice turned serious. Persephone had heard her use this tone only a few times, usually when one of the Underworld Corp employees was about to get fired. “All five of you need to _swear_ to me that you won’t divulge where you got this information. I’m not in the mood to incur Demeter’s wrath, okay?”

“I swear,” Persephone promised, and the other goddesses said the same. 

“Good. Have fun, ladies. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she teased right before hanging up.

“How are we going to get to the Underworld?” Hera asked. “We’re all _way_ too toasted to drive.”

“Next train leaves at one a.m.,” said Persephone. At everyone’s surprised looks, she added, “What? I _may_ have memorized the overnight train schedule back when I still lived in Olympus.”

“Yeah she did,” Amphitrite snickered, staring at her phone. “Sounds like someone needed to get it in. Oh by the way, Poseidon just texted me. He wants to have a threesome with a stripper later, in case you’re interested.”

“Ignoring that.” Persephone rolled her eyes. “Are we going?”

The Goddess of the Hunt raised her bottle of vodka like a general’s sword in battle. “The quest continues!”

They set off in the direction of the train station, passing their liquor back and forth. 

***

The one a.m. train was surprisingly crowded. Nymphs and daemons of the Underworld were heading back home after a night of partying in Olympus. None of them paid the goddesses any attention.

The train dipped down into a subway tunnel and picked up speed as they headed towards the Underworld. Persephone felt dizzy. She stared rested her forehead against the cool glass of the window and let her eyes close for a moment. Next thing she knew, Hera was pulling her away from the window and onto the subway platform.

The cold air of the Underworld, combined with her quick power nap, refreshed her significantly. “This way,” she told everyone, and led them up the stairs, outside the station, and down the street towards Underworld Corp’s main offices. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been down here,” remarked Aphrodite, looking up at the black sky filled with its swirling galaxies.

Persephone inhaled the chilled night air. She ought to have been freezing in her silky sleeveless jumpsuit, but the alcohol in her bloodstream insulated her against the cold. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“It’s okay.” Aphrodite tried to appear unimpressed even as she marveled at the glittering city around her.

They came to Tower 1, a magnificent skyscraper that looked like it was made entirely of glass. Persephone rapped on the front door a couple of times. The nighttime security guard looked up, startled. Persephone waved at him and he smiled, waving back. He got up and hurried over to open the door for them. 

“Persephone? What are you doing here?” 

“Hi, Xander. We just need to look around back. I think I left, um… my phone. Yeah. I forgot my phone in the courtyard today when I was eating lunch, and I just need to grab it real quick.”

“Sure thing.”

“Thanks, Xander, you’re the best!” Persephone tried to ignore the eyes on her as they walked back to the courtyard. It was not lost on her that all of Hades’s employees respected her in a way that Zeus’s employees did not respect Hera. As fun as their little recon mission at Olympus Corp had been, Persephone was glad she didn’t have to deal with sexist jerks on a daily basis.

The courtyard was a small, boxlike area in the back of the building, surrounded on three sides by a high brick wall. There were a handful of tables and chairs scattered across the flagstone pavement. In one corner stood a scrubby little tree, its branches drooping. For a long time it has been the only plant here, until Persephone had decided the space needed more green, and covered the brick walls in ivy. She had never realized that it was anything other than a regular tree. 

“It doesn’t even have any fruit!” Artemis exclaimed. “Now what?”

“No, look, yes it does.” Persephone knelt in front of the little tree. “Here.” She plucked a single pomegranate from one of the branches. Like the leaves, it appeared dry and withered. “Anybody have a knife?”

“Of _course_ none of us have a–” Aphrodite stared as Artemis knelt down and rolled up her jeans to reveal a large hunting knife strapped to her calf. “...I stand corrected.”

Persephone laid the pomegranate on one of the tables and sliced it open. Old and withered as it was, there were only twelve seeds. “Do I eat all of them?” she wondered out loud. “Or just one?”

“No, ‘eat the Fruit,’ that means all of it. Right?” Hera looked to the other goddesses for reassurance.

“I don’t know, I feel like one should do the trick,” said Artemis. “You’re not trying to permanently bind yourself here, just make it so nobody can force you out.”

Amphitrite shrugged. “I say split the difference. Eat six.”

In her current state of inebriation, this seemed the most logical solution to Persephone. Carefully she dug six seeds out of the fruit.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Hera held up a golden hand. “We need to do this right. Artemis, is there any of that vodka left?” The younger goddess nodded and held up the bottle. Some of the clear liquid still sloshed around inside. “Trite, get your phone out.” She held out her hand and Amphitrite handed over the phone. A few taps on the screen and she held it up towards Persephone. The camera flash blinked. “Okay, for each seed, you do a shot. We’ll count them off.”

“Okay, but why are you filming?”

“For posterity! And also I want to send a Narkchat video to the guys.” She winked at Persephone. “Ready?”

She took a deep breath. “Ready!” She held her plastic crown in place as she tipped her head back. “One!” She popped a pomegranate seed into her mouth and chased it with a swig of vodka. 

“Two!”

Another seed, another sip. The vodka burned on its way down.

“Three!”

Persephone hoped this would work. What if it didn’t? She still didn’t know what the contract was for. Maybe even ancient magic wouldn’t be enough to cancel it out?

“Four!”

It had to work. She was marrying Hades, and nobody was going to stop her. Not some stupid contract, not her mother, not even the King of the Gods himself.

“Five!”

Hades. Gods, she loved him so much. She couldn’t wait to see him and tell him what she’d done. She imagined the crimson glow in his eyes when he learned a piece of her soul was bound forever to his domain, and shivered with excitement.

“Six!”

She popped the final seed into her mouth and almost coughed on the shot of vodka. She did it. She was bound to the Underworld, and there was no going back.

Artemis was the first to speak. “Do you... feel any different?”

Persephone blinked and looked around the courtyard. She didn’t, but she assumed the excess alcohol would hit her very soon. She shook her head. “Can we go get pizza now?”

***

The bell overhead jingled as they entered the tiny pizza place. It was like stepping into a microwave, hot and stale, filled with the smell of reheating pizza. The short, sweaty daemon behind the counter didn’t look up from his phone. “We’re closing.” 

“Then why was the door unlocked?” Hera waved in his face, trying to attract his attention. 

“We close at two.” He still didn’t take his eyes off the phone. 

“It’s one fifty-three!” Artemis grumbled. “Come on, we just want pizza!”

He put his phone down and gave them an annoyed look. “I said we’re _closed_, lady, read the sign.”

“_Excuse me_?!” Talking to Aphrodite in such a tone was a _huge_ mistake, Persephone knew. “Listen, you son of a bitch.” Aphrodite smacked her hand down on the counter so hard he jumped. “Do you have any idea who you’re talking to? This is the Goddess of Spring, and _your_ future Queen! And if you don’t get her some goddamn pizza right now, I promise I can have the Unseen One make your already sorry-ass life a thousand times worse. So don’t test me.”

“Okay, Okay. You can have your pizza.” He turned away from the counter and retreated back to the kitchen. 

“And ranch?” Persephone asked hopefully.

“And ranch!” Aphrodite yelled after him. “And don’t even _think_ about charging us extra for it!”

Ten minutes later, the five goddesses sat on the sidewalk outside Underworld Corp, gorging on pizza. 

“You guys,” Persephone slurred, “tonight was so much fun.” She draped one arm around Hera’s shoulders and planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek, which the Queen of the Gods returned in kind. 

Talking through a mouthful of pizza, Artemis said, “I second that.”

“Yeah, y’all are awesome.” Amphitrite leaned back until her dark green mane brushed the ground behind her. “Literally the only thing that could possibly make this better would be, like… just some really good weed.”

“Say no more.” Persephone reached towards the ground, willing something to grow there. A cannabis plant sprouted between a crack in the sidewalk and she curled her hand upward, coaxing its growth until its leaves fanned out over the ground below. Persephone plucked a handful of leaves from the little bush. She snapped her fingers and the leaves withered and dried out. She handed them to Amphitrite.

“Wow. Flower Child, you truly are a damn treasure.” From her pocket, the Sea Queen pulled out a bundle of rolling papers.

Hera squinted at her. “You just… carry those everywhere with you?”

Whatever Amphitrite was about to say was cut off by heavy footsteps behind them, paired with a low gravelly voice. “Evening, ladies.”

They turned around. A dark hooded figure loomed, blocking the sidewalk behind them.

Hera was all business. “Can we help you?” she asked in her most queen-like voice, cold and cordial. 

“I hope so.” The hood obscured his face in shadow but Persephone could tell he was leering at them. “You mind telling me what a guy’s gotta do to get a date around here?”

“Oh, piss off.” Aphrodite turned to Artemis. “_Please_ tell me you have some brass knuckles in one of those pockets and we can kick this guy’s ass.”

The Goddess of the Hunt smirked and replied, “You even have to ask?”

But before any of them could make a move, the man lunged at them. Persephone tried to jump out of the way but her reflexes were barely working. She was too drunk to fight him off and he knew it. He seized her by the waist, hoisted her over his shoulder, and immediately took off into the night sky. Ignoring her screams of protest, he flew higher and higher until the shocked faces of the other four goddesses disappeared completely, along with the world below. 

** _To Be Continued..._ **

**Author's Note:**

> One more thing. Hera’s line about the naked drawing being “pretty accurate” was written before episodes 77-78 were published in fast pass. Like I just assumed all six of the OG Olympians probably bathed together in the river or whatever way back in the day, because it was ancient times and everything. So when I reread the beginning of this story after reading episode 78, I was like, “Oh… OH.” But I decided to keep it as is, purely for humorous reasons. All I’m saying is, don’t read too much into that comment.


End file.
